“Marriage, a Terrifying Proposal” - An Incentive for Men to Abstain from Marriage

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No, this is not a woman bashing article nor an article supporting the Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) movement; so, don’t get your panties in a bunch. I, like most of us, dream of finding that special somebody who can help us fulfill how Nat King Cole once sang, “Is just to love and be loved in return.” But, I came to realize how bad men have it when it comes to a sudden and sometimes expected ending to a marriage.

       Three years ago, a woman from work and I quickly fell in love. We planned to get married within a few months of meeting each other. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, it was a mistake, and it did end badly. Not to go into much detail but let’s say she shown me how cruel a person can indeed be. An example was when she mockingly told me to pawn the engagement ring as she casually slurped her coffee. It took me years to get over a short but intense relationship while it only took her a month to get into another man’s bed. On top of this, my trust issues over relationships which stems from a family who competes on how many divorces they have didn’t help with the idea of marriage. But, it was the haunting thought of actually marrying her and then going through the divorce that turned me off to marriage.

    I imagined the shock and pain from learning that someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with wants to leave me. Because the institution of marriage in America has become more burdensome and unforgiving on the husband’s side when it comes to divorce, I imagined the fucking over the courts were going to give me. She would get alimony which would probably last for years or decades, even though she is financially capable of being independent. Also if she wasn’t then alimony should be only used to help her get her life back on track and with an expiration date.

    Even though most of the property and liquid assets would have come from my hard-earned work, which she didn’t help out with, she would have received half of everything. If I owned a business and gave her a small part-time position, then she would have ended up owning half of it; even though she did not participate in the creation or the operation of the business.

    My neurotic mind then imagines if I had children with her like she once lovingly told me she wanted. She would without a doubt get full say over the children. Just the thought of that makes me feel the heartbreak become sharper. If she was cruel to me during a simple break up, imagine what games she would play with our kids. I would probably never get to see them because she’ll keep them from me or move back to Liverpool with them. On top of that, she will be granted an unfairly high amount of child support.

     Not only would I’ve been a broken man from losing my wife, but I would have also lost what I have earned on my own and the children I would have loved dearly. On top of that poison of devastation, I would have to stress out on a daily basis on financially taking care of myself and starting over.   

     It’s unfair how divorce targets men. Would the government make a corporation forfeit half of its assets to an investor who only invested 2% after the business was already established and continue to pay him a stipend for the rest of his life? Hell no, they didn’t even arrest all the investors who fucked over the economy. In fact, they bailed them out. Why should men (and some women) have to lose so much in a divorce? I understand that divorce used to be disastrous and unfair for women and current laws were established to protect them, but when does it become unreasonable to men? How much suffering must you legally put on a person and still think its fair? When does it become overcorrected?

      Marriage has not only become a terrible gamble, but the burden of divorce is an incentive for men not to get married and have a healthy family. There are many benefits for men to be in a healthy marriage such as a longer and more meaningful life, better physical health, and even stable finances. And children raised with both parents present have a lower chance of being maladjusted adults. The institution of marriage, or just a long-term relationship, has valuable benefits for all parties involved. It’s the idea of not only having your heart torn apart from a break-up, but it’s the government forcefully making a man lose half of everything and to continue paying for a bad relationship for the rest of his life.

          After all of this obsessive thinking, I realize how grateful I am for the relationship ending before making the mistake of marrying her. I know it’s not all women, but there are some who take advantage of divorce and cruelly walk all over a man who probably still loves her. It’s just; I sadly realize there is a more substantial incentive to staying single than to partake in the benefits and beauty of marriage. Which is sad because I do want a family and to grow old with someone I truly love. With so many losses in life, though; it deathly frightens me to lose somebody and then pay for it for the rest of my life.