Caked and Stoned Thoughts

stoned thoughts.jpg

Caked and Stoned Thoughts


1.       Does anyone else’s inner monologue sound like Seth Rogan when your high?

2.       There are an obscene number of stories of people needing to be in first places and for the guy in second place to get to first; all that stress to get to the top. But nobody ever wants to be the third-place guy, when in fact it’s the best place. You let the other two dudes duke it out while you rest comfortably with what you got. And then you seamlessly take first place when the two other guys destroy each other.

3.       What if the gods were afraid to approach us because they fear that we will reject their magnificent gift?

4.       What if extraverts, movers and changers have hidden knowledge that the more people you meet, the more people who will remember you and the more powerful you become in the collective unconscious?

5.       Smiling at the face of futility is a superpower in its own.

6.       What would happen if a guy went to the local supermarket and bought cupcakes for $5 a day and sold them for any pocket change strangers had? People would think he was losing money but he was becoming rich because people were giving away free money which escrowed into a highly, cheap-to-earn profit.

7.       I think someone who enjoys accounting is in denial or fucking insane.

8.       Hate is a parasite that lies to you by having you believe you need it.

9.       What if every race on the planet is a different species and blacks are the coolest among them? Except for the token white barback working in a jazz bar, he’s the coolest.

10.   Did you know that cumming on a woman’s face is a feministic act? Going back to days when our ancestors lived in a cave and there was a high rate of death from childbirth; it was the first woman who took control of her reproductive rights by stating, “I want sex but not death, so soak me.”

11.   There Is this cute Irish redhead at work I desperately want to ask out by saying, “I really want to mash your potatoes.”

12.   I can’t believe I was a fucking cop.

13.   A friend once told me that he thought the Renaissance began because Europe was introduced to Coffee, which provided the intellectual stimulation beer couldn’t bring to the Dark Ages. I disagree. I believe it was Marijuana from the Middle East because there is no fucking way coffee can cause Copernicus to think, “Dude, I don’t think the Earth is the Center of the Universe.” With Da Vinci giggling to in the corner, painting the mysterious Mona Lisa and saying to himself, “I’m going to fuck with people’s mind for hundreds of years.”

14.   I like to imagine what a settler from the 1800s would think if they saw how we lived today. “You have horseless carriages that can travel hundreds of miles in a day? Wait, you can fly in a metal tube? You don’t have to spend hours and days hunting for your food anymore? In fact, you eat too much of it that you're now dying from being fat? You have porn?! Why the fuck are you guys depressed?”

15.   I truly believe that stories are an organism. They are kept alive by thought and word. They evolve over time and are kept alive by being heard. But the strongest to survive are the ones who speak about the truth about us.

16.   Do you ever think that we are playing a part in history where people will look to us in the future and think, “How can people live like that?”

17.   Love is like the sun as it will give warmth to anyone who stands in it.

18.   “Why do you want to die?” the Judge asked.

“Because, I feel the world fly through the infinite. I can the entirety of time and this makes me aware of my insignificance. Who am I but a grain of sand on an island underneath the maelstrom?”

The Judge answered, “This existential terror is nothing to fear but to embrace. Your grain of sand is part of the grand theatre of existence. The questions are not why you are here nor why do you matter, they’re irrelevant. The answer and the question are the same: to be.

19.   The purpose of art is to invoke both emotion and thought.

20.   Things are beautiful once you accept them for what they are.

21.   Never underestimate the power of a single candle in the abyss. It can be seen for miles; it can bring hope.

22.   God is not of violence or wisdom but of action. He is a song. He is kindness. He is of the sanctity of life.

I am human, just like you. I am flawed just like you. But heaven exists…

23.   The greatest temptation is Mediocracy (This neglects #2).

24.   I’ve been single for so long that my catholic priest offered me his altar boy.