To End it All

The last blow did not hurt because the ones before it made me numb.

My will is depleted.

Momentum is slowing.

Weakened and exhausted.

I wish to take comfort in ending it all.

To bow out and finally feel peace.

I’m done with blaming myself,

Overanalyzing my shortcomings, mistakes and the what if’s.

I have raged on and on, and on;

With no avail.

To be broke,

To not know the love of a woman because of the fear of being looked down upon.

The stench of shame protrudes from me.

To lose faith in the idea of people.

Realizing the folly of hoping for a better life for myself.

To stop holding myself to a futile standard.

To be unable to look into the eyes of the ones you love because the shame is too massive to lift.

I feel the heavy wood and steel of it in my hand.

One pull will end it all.

A sweet relief…

One more battle, perhaps.

I have enough strength to rage one more.

A spark of hope before it smolders away,

Maybe I’ll win this one.